From Fear to Fearless: This is YOUR year!

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When Amy was alive she always told me, “Be fearlessly you!”  She was a woman who lived by her words and yet for all the years she told me this, I never grasped it.  I lived constantly in my own self doubt.  The shadows of all my mistakes and shortcomings over-rode any light I thought I might possibly have buried deep down somewhere.  No matter what I tried to do, whether in career or relationships, it seemed like I was a vacuum sucking people dry because I hungered so much for validation.  I never stood independent of how I thought others thought of me.  So how could I change that?  What could I do differently this year?

What could I do so that when I looked into my children’s faces I didn’t see all my regret that I could have done it better before they left home?  What could I possibly change to see my husband take  a sigh of relief that he no longer carried all my pain or purpose?  My friendships, how could I operate in love in such a way that did not demand reciprocity?  How could I possibly be independently fearless and stand in my truth that while I’m far from perfect, I’m a beautiful being with something to offer?

I think we all struggle with this at one time or other in our lives.  We look around at those closest to us, those we’ve lost through filters through the years, and those we hope to become closer to in the future and we wonder … do I have what it takes?  Am I good enough?   Do I have value?

Fear.  Fear of being wanted, loved, and liked.  Fear of loss, fear of gain.  Fear of failure and success.  We become stagnant in our doubts, almost sometimes to the point of being frozen in it.  We stop going out, we are isolated with work and friends.  We shy away from socialization.   Then the voices really start up, man, they can be harsh.  See?  I told you, no one cares.  See?  I told you, no one notices you.

How do we overcome that kind of fear?  I went to my bedside one day and knelt, shaking, on my bedroom floor and I prayed, “Lord, my precious Father, you did not have this in mind when you created me, did you? With Amy gone now, I feel lost to courage and bravery.  I feel lost to me.  Help me to see myself as someone who can love as you love. Change my heart.  Mature me.  Please, give me opportunities to shower my world with faith and friendship and love and laughter and not do so with a selfish heart.  Train me up to stand in the gap for those I love, rather than whine about being the gap myself.  Let me be the light.”

After I was done praying I heard the word, “Act.”  Then, from Scripture, “Do not be afraid.”  In my mind I could hear the trumpets of Jericho.  Bring the wall down.  The wall of insecurity, fear, and doubt.  Shake it to its core so it has no hold over you.

I heard Amy, “Be Fearlessly You!”

I’m determined that this will be a year of letting go of fear and falling fearlessly in love with my life, my family, friends, and the path I am so blessed to be able to be on.

I pray, for all who read this and can relate, that you have the courage to stand on your knees, be humble to God, and become an action person verses a reactive person!  This is going to be a great year.

 

 

 

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Another Amazon 5 Star Review

RESTITUTION

Restitution continues to rank in its category as it receives another 5 star review this morning!

5 STAR REVIEW

Restitution, available on http://www.amazon.com in both kindle and soft cover book formats is beginning to gain forward movement.  The message is clear – the desire to reclaim your value, worth, and identity is within you and you are not alone!  Join other Restitution readers via our facebook page or the author website at http://www.courtneyfrey.org

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Build Your Bridge

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Rebecca and Courtney build a bridge in a ditch that is symbolic of their plight to bridge the gap between the little girls that were hurt and the grown women they’ve had to become to survive.  It is their story, but it is your story.  What sacrifices did you have to make as you survived the hands that hurt you?  What part of yourself do you hide away and shelter from the word for fear of hurt?  The walls you’ve built, they will come down.  It will be okay.  You’re not alone.

For all the women who’ve had to go back and get the little girl they’d left behind.  Bridges.  My song.  Your song.  The road to healing.

Listen NOW

 

Vengeance

As Rebecca lay there, bloodied and bruised, I wanted to chase after her father and give him just a taste of what he’d done to my best friend.  To his daughter.  How dare he?  What had she done to deserve it?  Yet, she lay, barely breathing in the dark room, curled up like an infant without tears; unable to hate.

Despite the abuse for Rebecca, and the accident for Amy, and my own demons begging for redemption, something within us knew that one day, somehow, it would be made right.

And it was.

Vengeance

Your Voice Matters

Restitution explores the travesty that occurs when secrets are kept and the innocent go unprotected.  Finding your voice takes courage, compassion, and sometimes a best friend who has faith in you long enough for you to believe yourself.  Whatever your story, your journey, or your secrets … know, your voice matters.   Is it time for you to tell?

SAN MARINO

Who Am I? Part II of A Teenager’s Open Heart

 

“I am not alone because I have no one; I am alone because I don’t allow myself to believe that I am not alone.”

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My mother’s heart beats double time for the emotion expressed in my daughter’s outpouring.  Her agony, doubt, fears, and desires poured forth in waves of powerful questioning and it was all I could do to see through my own tears to the computer screen.  What came next was a bit shocking …. pride.  As her mother, as a woman approaching forty, I read and absorb her words and think to myself; blessed even is the thirty year old to have such revelation.  To dig deep down inside of your truest self and beg the question of purpose and passion exudes wisdom and maturity.  I was not worried for her in those moments in the early morning as I cleaned up the used Kleenex and re-read her words for the third time.  Not worried at all.

As she wakes an hour later I hold her in the early morning light and whisper, “I am so very proud of you.”

She wipes sleep from her eyes, “For what?”

Cupping her beautiful young face in my aging hands, “For the courage you garnered to write what you did last night.”

READ FULL STORY HERE

Who Am I? A Teenager’s Open Heart

finding my voice _ igniteyourtruthAre you searching for God’s voice, a Presence, or a reconciliation to your faith?  Do you feel totally and completely alone?  Have you lost your direction, or do you simply desire to find passion in something; anything?  Do you have regrets?  Do you struggle to share your feelings with the people you love?  Do you know, deep within your Spirit, that you already have the answers you need but feel stuck, afraid, or incapable?

This young fifteen year old teenager felt that way.  Her words,published below, are an illustration into the heart and spirit of many.  Late at night, after her parents had already gone to bed, she quietly snuck downstairs to her mother’s office and wrote.  And cried.  And poured out her heart.  The next morning, her mother went down to her office to find an empty box of Kleenex and scattered tissue’s on the desk.

READ IT HERE