&*#! U Depression. I’m here to stay.

For some of us it’s situational and for others it’s a chemical imbalance.  For some it’s triggered by screaming people in our faces, reminding us of childhood abuse and for others it’s the long hot shower turned cold because we can’t fathom how we’re going to finish the day.  For some, bi-polar disorder, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Mania ….. showing up to work hoping you can make it until noon so you can drive around the block and sit at  the corner and cry it out or hell, not even making it out of bed on a Tuesday.  Tuesday’s are hard.

Truth.   Depression you DO NOT OWN ME.  I will refuse to allow you to take me down.  I will get help.  I will see my therapist.  I will take my medication.  I will eat right.  I will exercise.  I will tell the people I love the most when I am hurting instead of isolating.  I will REFUSE, do you hear me now, I will REFUSE TO TAKE THIS LYING DOWN.

I will write a book about you.  How you tried to kill me.   And I will save others because if I am here for good …. SO ARE THEY.

Believe.  Hard.  For whatever reason.  Depression ?  @*(# ….. WE ARE HERE TO STAY!


Redemption.  Coming Soon to Amazon.  Follow me at @courtneyfrey on Facebook for details on Friday’s launch!


Heal a Heart for Christmas

R_fcYour best friend confided in you.  Your sister wants to change.  Your relationship with your mom is broken.  Your husband struggles with your depression.  Whether for you or for someone in your life, Restitution is a message of hope that speaks loudly, “YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM ANY LONGER!”  It is a novel-like approach, based on a true story, that embodies the triumph over pain we all seek and hope for.  Give the gift of healing to someone you love today.

BUY NOWhttp://www.amazon.com/Restitution-Courtney-Frey/dp/1620066564/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451061495&sr=8-1&keywords=restitution+courtney+frey


You’re Not Alone

_Out in the country she screamed, but no one heard her._Your journey is exceptionally priceless, all of what you’ve endured and gone through; every bit of pain and agony – is not in vain.  The endless tears you’ve cried, the midnight rage, and the lonely hours of what seems like eternal solitude; are known.  You, my love, are not alone.

Sometimes we do not need someone to fix it all.  Sometimes, we don’t need anyone to tell us it will all be okay.  Once in a while, take heart, it is okay to sit with the pain.  It can teach us.  It can mold us.  It can share a lesson of compassion, understanding, faith, and resilience with us.

You, my friend, are not alone.  Restitution is a novel that explores what it means to face countless unfair injustices and weather the tides of fear, abandonment, insecurity, and depression.  It is a story of struggling with faith, a journey of three friends who rely on one another, and ultimately the truth that nothing is ever in vain when you turn your pain to purpose.

You are not alone.


It’s Not In Vain. Your Experience Counts.

It’s Not in Vain.  Your Experience Counts.


Someone once asked me, “How can you possibly say that the abuse you suffered had a purpose?”  I had to take a slow breath and respond softly, “The abuse didn’t have a purpose …. My survival did.  There’s a difference.  When I say that nothing is in vain I’m implying that in anything we overcome in life we can find a seed of hope, a place of choice – that choice is to cower or challenge.  Learn and grow, or give up.  There is power and purpose to learning and growing through our experiences.  So, no – the abuse isn’t the purpose …. My choosing to overcome the effects of it is.”

She paused for a moment and then, through brimming tears whispered, “I want to know what that feels like.”


In Restitution, the novel, you’ll meet several characters who overcome incredible and sometimes tragic events by refusing to allow others to steal from them their opportunity to overcome in the first place.  Join the email list now for upcoming events, pre-launch information, and much more.  Get involved in the movement.  Is it time for you to challenge yourself?  You’re not alone.  Join now!

Restitution the Movement: Take back what is rightfully yours!


Ever feel that a part of you has been stolen away, pieces of you that you can’t seem to heal?  How often do you isolate from the fear of telling – is your voice unheard?  You are not alone.  Join with me, in Restitution, as we travel together with four young girls who travel the path from pain to healing.  Nothing is ever in vain.  You have a purpose.  We are waiting for you.

Restitution … coming soon.  Join the mailing list now for special updates going into pre-launch.  Also, visit our facebook page to join with others on this journey.

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Until I Knew





I never knew a laughter that could bend me silly.

I never tasted a fulfillment that could make me lick my lips.

I never came across my own shadow and played hide and seek just for fun.

I never talked out loud and learned something.

I never sang until my throat dried.

I never knew peace in silence.

I never knew love without expectation.

I never paused long enough to smell the rain.

Until I knew me.

Woman in the Rain









One simple day when I was alone, I unwrapped myself like a child stealing a peek at a present.

At first I laughed … bent over and silly.

Then, I dug in and tore away the layers.

I played with the shadows until they were all found.

I talked out loud until I began to speak truth.

I danced around and sang so loud it made sense.

Then, I grew quiet and found love.

And then it rained.

And now, I know.


Pump me full of Zoloft, Xanax or Lithium –

Over-charge me by the hour just cuz you can.

Zip me in that white coat, lock me in a room,

I’ll still be crazy – I’ll still question you.

You can’t drug a genius, can’t lock up an artist.

Try to cage me, but you can’t hold down stardust.

Put me in a file, but you can’t define a goddess.

Lay me on your couch, I’ll just hypnotize ya.

Don’t need no Phd just to tell me ‘bout my inner child.

I’m wild.

Call it a chemical imbalance, I don’t really care

Just get off my back, I’m outta here.

No use in fakin’ normal, no sense in a lie

Drugs might keep me quiet,

But you can’t silence life.

I know the dark side, but I see the light

I get reality, but its truth is all mine.

When I’m up let me fly,

Clip your own damn wings.

When I’m down, don’t even try,

I like the things that I see.

Doctor says he’s gotta save me from myself,

Patient in the next room just hung herself.

I get a phone call cuz I’ve been good,

So I dialed God and asked Him what’s the use?

Let me laugh, let me cry, to hell with insurance.

Aint my 90 days up?  I’m healed,

I assure you.

Self inclined nation with man made doctrination,

Hell, it sounds fine with me.

We all gotta do what we have to do,

Believe in whatever we believe to be true.

But Christians imitating Jesus –

Don’t they know He was a Jew –

And damn my knees are sore

From kneeling on your pew.

What classes?  To hell with you,

No disciple ever enrolled in Religion 102.

I can talk all day and into the night,

Philosophy’s like love, right at first sight.

Sit me down with an easel, give me some paint,

Don’t need a brush, my soul knows the way.

I’m the life of the party, I know the right things to say,

People amaze me, in every way.

But when I want to go, let me go.

Solitude is my escape from home.

Mama, it’s all right, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Daddy, thanks to you I can write this song.

I got no blame, don’t take it the wrong way,

I get to be different in a world of all the same.

I wouldn’t choose normal even for a while …

Cuz, guess what?

I’m wild.


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