&*#! U Depression. I’m here to stay.

For some of us it’s situational and for others it’s a chemical imbalance.  For some it’s triggered by screaming people in our faces, reminding us of childhood abuse and for others it’s the long hot shower turned cold because we can’t fathom how we’re going to finish the day.  For some, bi-polar disorder, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Mania ….. showing up to work hoping you can make it until noon so you can drive around the block and sit at  the corner and cry it out or hell, not even making it out of bed on a Tuesday.  Tuesday’s are hard.

Truth.   Depression you DO NOT OWN ME.  I will refuse to allow you to take me down.  I will get help.  I will see my therapist.  I will take my medication.  I will eat right.  I will exercise.  I will tell the people I love the most when I am hurting instead of isolating.  I will REFUSE, do you hear me now, I will REFUSE TO TAKE THIS LYING DOWN.

I will write a book about you.  How you tried to kill me.   And I will save others because if I am here for good …. SO ARE THEY.

Believe.  Hard.  For whatever reason.  Depression ?  @*(# ….. WE ARE HERE TO STAY!

http://www.courtneyfrey.org

Redemption.  Coming Soon to Amazon.  Follow me at @courtneyfrey on Facebook for details on Friday’s launch!

Book Review: 360 by Vicki Drane

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If you’ve ever looked around at your life and thought to yourself, “Is this what I really want?  Is this who I really am?” Then Drane’s novel, 360, is for you.  Vicki exposes us to the life of Jessica, a beautiful young woman who has found herself at the cusp of desperation.  Lost and isolated in the throe’s of an abusive relationship, Jessica feels fear, insecurity, and is unable to escape from her own denial.  Drane exposes physical abuse in her novel and courageously speaks, through Jessica, on the painful and horrific ways in which women can often get stuck in negative patterns.  Jessica, a full time social worker whose job is to support, hear, and enable young children as they go through crisis, excels at helping others but fails to see how much self-care she herself deserves.

Your heart will break as you get to know this young woman, full of such potential with a selfless, giving spirit.  She seeks to serve others and to ensure their happiness but her efforts continue to be thwarted by those who do not appreciate her or see her value.  Drane however does not create a character who needs pity, or a woman who is completely oblivious to the reasons she acts the way she does.  Logically, Jessica is able to see – almost as if looking from the outside in – that she is stuck in a dead end and needs to escape.  As always however, even though we know the logic and reason of our situations that does not always mean our heart is in tune.  Jessica simply wants to love and to be loved.

Drane introduces Ruby, one of the little girls that Jessica nurtures at work.  Ruby, a precious and wise little spirit, endures so much pain and rejection from her mother but yet fights to find the positive in her life.  As their relationship grows, Jessica begins to see how she can give Ruby advice on letting go of the past- but she isn’t taking her own advice.  It is ultimately her relationship with Ruby that inspires her to finally take a stand.

Jessica’s revelation comes on a single day when she realizes, enough is enough.  Her ability to self-talk and see the light at the end of the tunnel pushes her forward to do the one thing she had needed to do all along.  Get out of her abusive relationship.

You will find yourself cheering Jessica on, desperately wanting to reach into the pages and offer her encouragement and hope.  You will feel, as the author does such a beautiful job, her pain and her loneliness and her struggle to let go of everything holding her back.

She is each of us.  She is the innate desire we each have to love and be loved in return.  She is the whisper we tell ourselves, that we deserve to be happy.  She is the pain, confusion, and insecurity we each feel when our past creeps in on us and our futures seem bleak.  She is authentic, truthful, and powerful in her quest to find her true self, escape from denial, and finally emerge the beautiful and inspired Jessica that was always there.

If you’re looking for an inspirational, heart-felt, authentic motivational book on conquering your fears and unveiling your true potential; this is it.  Drane does an amazing and fantastic job leading us down a path of hope.  GET YOUR COPY NOW!

The Power of the Pen

CF 1During my radio interview last night with Vicki Drane Speaks on Artist First Vicki asks me how difficult it was to put so much of my own self out into the world through Restitution.  I responded with,

“The day Restitution went live on amazon I literally felt like I’d taken off all my clothes and walked naked into the streets for all to see.  It was a moment of feeling so extremely vulnerable that I simply fell to my knees and cried out to God, “Let this not be in vain.”  To tell our stories, to be so authentic with our truth – it’s never easy.  We’re trained, as a society, to keep the ugly hidden.  We put on airs that all is well and we secretly fight demons in our sleep, and for a lot of us, in our awake.  We pretend that we’re fine.  We pretend that our experiences didn’t shape us or change us.  We lie.  We keep quiet.   So, yes, putting Restitution out into the world was deathly frightening.  But I didn’t worry as much about what people would think …. what I worried about more was being able to be there for every single person that read it and thought, “Me too.  How do I survive?”  Restitution, for me, isn’t just a novel you can download for $2.99 on Kindle.  It’s a movement.  It’s a voice.  It requires that I walk in humility, truth, and exposure.  But, I’m willing to go there.   I’m willing to be the voice long enough until others harness the courage to speak for themselves.”

Try Restitution.  Just give it a chance, and maybe  you’ll discover that the secrets and the story within you has been begging to come out too.  You have purpose.  Your voice counts!

 

 

Build Your Bridge

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Rebecca and Courtney build a bridge in a ditch that is symbolic of their plight to bridge the gap between the little girls that were hurt and the grown women they’ve had to become to survive.  It is their story, but it is your story.  What sacrifices did you have to make as you survived the hands that hurt you?  What part of yourself do you hide away and shelter from the word for fear of hurt?  The walls you’ve built, they will come down.  It will be okay.  You’re not alone.

For all the women who’ve had to go back and get the little girl they’d left behind.  Bridges.  My song.  Your song.  The road to healing.

Listen NOW

 

Be True To Who You Are

When innocence is lost at such an early age, Rebecca and Courtney struggle with their identity.   As they grow, parts of the little girls they once were are left behind.  A brokenness occurs.  They do what they must to survive.  The ultimate discovery however is that they must do whatever they can to reclaim those pieces of themselves and heal them.  Courtney goes back in time and confronts her abuser.  Rebecca faces her father on his death bed.  Sometimes, being true to who you are means having the courage to save the little girl you left behind.  Restitution, the act of taking what is rightfully yours; back.

COURTNEYFREY.ORG

It’s Not In Vain. Your Experience Counts.

It’s Not in Vain.  Your Experience Counts.

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Someone once asked me, “How can you possibly say that the abuse you suffered had a purpose?”  I had to take a slow breath and respond softly, “The abuse didn’t have a purpose …. My survival did.  There’s a difference.  When I say that nothing is in vain I’m implying that in anything we overcome in life we can find a seed of hope, a place of choice – that choice is to cower or challenge.  Learn and grow, or give up.  There is power and purpose to learning and growing through our experiences.  So, no – the abuse isn’t the purpose …. My choosing to overcome the effects of it is.”

She paused for a moment and then, through brimming tears whispered, “I want to know what that feels like.”

 

In Restitution, the novel, you’ll meet several characters who overcome incredible and sometimes tragic events by refusing to allow others to steal from them their opportunity to overcome in the first place.  Join the email list now for upcoming events, pre-launch information, and much more.  Get involved in the movement.  Is it time for you to challenge yourself?  You’re not alone.  Join now!