Revealing our true authentic selves is painful. Let’s face it, we go into it knowing that we are potentially setting ourselves up for judgment, rejection, and insurmountable amounts of regret. Or, at the very least, a cold blank stare from across the table in that moment you think to yourself, “Okay, so that didn’t work.” Being real, truly and painfully real, takes courage and confidence at the same time. But, I think it takes something else too … it takes trust. Trusting that no matter what anyone else thinks about you, how they might respond to you, or what they’ll say about you behind your back – that you can stand in the truth of who you are regardless and no one can take that away. Trust in ourselves that we are being real, that we aren’t fake, and that our measure of worth is safe. There is a hope we live with that eventually in our authenticity that someone, even just one person, will see us in our light and love us for it.
I consider myself the most blessed woman because I have several of those people. They are my first phone call when crisis strikes, my first hug, and the arms I run into when the tears won’t stop falling. They are my encouragers of life, my strong hold to faith, and my biggest fans. My imperfections, short comings, and ups and downs are not measured and tallied up for later accusations, but are deemed a glorious part of all that makes up the crazy mold of my personality and the effort I give even when it’s not enough. I can laugh too hard, cry too often, bitch and complain, and know that at the end of the phone, the other side of a facebook conversation, or sitting across from the table is someone who trusts me, loves me unconditionally, and actually needs me in their life.
We can talk about nothing and then wonder about everything, we share journey’s and trials and tribulations. We are generations of mothers, sisters, and wives and ex-wives … all a combination of strength, courage and tenacity. We share our pain, our losses, our hopes, and our emotional struggles – we spend nights in the give up motel together watching old Hallmark movies and then we kick eachother’s butt’s enough to motivate us to move the hell out of it. Together sometimes. Because there are strength in numbers.
In the last six months of my life I have built up a huge foundation of love, support, and friendship with several woman with whom I could never have done without along this short journey of my own self-searching and long awaited dreams. I couldn’t have lasted past an hour of a manic episode, or a phone call of destruction. I needed them, relied on them, and hungered for the love they had to give when I had nothing left to offer. When the time called for it they demanded I pull up my big girl panties, and other times they prayed with me. When the moment was right, they knew I needed a bag of liqueur, a video of a son laughing, a new hat, and a sushi date. My circle of strong friends has gathered around me like warrior women and refused to let me loose the battle.
I trust them. I adore them. I need them. I am growing into the woman I know that I can become because I know, along the way towards that goal ahead, they are standing with me. I am never alone.
They are you. I hold you close in my heart, and treasure my life with you, not taking one single second of all that you are and what you offer and give so freely to me without condition. You bless me beyond measure and this morning, today, I needed you to hear why.
I love everything about you, exactly as you are, and what makes you unique is the very thing that I count on to be true, authentic, and real. You are beautiful. My friends, my sisters.
Thank you for that moment you decided, when I opened up my heart to reveal my true self, that I was good enough just as I am. Thank you for not rejecting me, judging me, or whispering behind my back. Thank you for loving me just as I am and never requiring me to be anything but me. You’ve taught me how to grow, how to fall and get back up again, and that there is no greater important thing on the face of this earth than to love and to be loved in return.