Home » Adoption » The Power of Vulnerability

The Power of Vulnerability

Over ten years ago I began working for adoption.com as a moderator, and within a few years I became a published author with my first book, “One Birthmothers Emotional Truth on Healing, Recovery, and Success.”  I spoke across the country and assisted with many support groups especially for birthmother‘s who entered into open and semi-open adoption that ended up, sadly, closed.  I wrote over 60 articles during that time which were published across a media platform of 6 websites.  I hosted retreats that were adoption based out of Colorado Springs, Colorado and I flew all over meeting amazing men and women both, in adoption.

photo (3)    However, after a few years, when my adoption being closed began to take an emotional toll on me, I stopped writing.  I closed down my desktop computer and I went to work, raised my babies, and attempted to tuck that part of my writing life aside.  I never stopped writing to my birth son or calling the agency every year, but my involvement in the adoption community simply became too difficult for me.  I’d been told I would receive letters and updates for the first five years of my son’s life and then, at that time, be able to have an open communication through the adoption agency with his parents with the ultimate outcome being preparing for a healthy reunion.  Unfortunately, this didn’t happen.

I have reunited with my son via facebook, and our online social media relationship has been ultimately healing for me.  He is happy, he is loved, and the parents I’d dreamed of him having … he got all along.  My decision was validated that I had done the best thing for him and he told me thank you, thank you for giving me life.  He’s having a fabulous life.  While he does not want to meet me at this time or speak on the phone, I am at peace.  He is okay.

These years of being in touch with him empowered me to write again.  I wrote another book, and began this blog, and as I work hard on networking and setting up all of the connections one does with blogs, I went back to adoption.com and re-registered.  Maybe, after all this time, I could offer something of value.

In registering for my profile it allows you to post a you tube video if you have one, and so I went to you tube to find the URL link to my own intro video for my blog.  Being an internet/blogging newbie, I didn’t know how to find myself!  I typed my name in, and was literally in total and complete shock with what I discovered.

Words I’d written, in painful vulnerability, over ten years ago, were being used to promote a nonprofit with a cause that is beautiful.  They’d given me full copyright inclusion, and I watched and read the description of the video, where my words are copied, with tears in my eyes.  I had never known that my words had meant anything to anyone aside from my own healing so long ago.

I’ve contacted the group to let them know, and volunteered to do a donation by giving proceeds from my last three remaining copies of my book to their group, Birthmom Mission. Perhaps once again, after over ten years, I might lend my own vulnerability to someone who may need to hear … we are never alone.  Our Reaching Out is Never in Vain!  *See my other blog post on this one!

Have you been blessed by a response from someone, years after you didn’t even know you’d made an impact?  I’d love to hear your story!

Watch the Video

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3 thoughts on “The Power of Vulnerability

  1. *Note* I had written this letter to Courtney moments before this wonderful writing had been posted. After reading it and sharing she had written something new, she asked me if I would post the letter on here for people to read. Here you go, Courtney 🙂

    Dearest Courtney,

    I will be the first to admit this letter probably seems to come out of nowhere and at a very random time. A couple of reasons for this. First of all, I had meant to write to you LONG ago at the end of our show run. Life kind of caught up with me after that and I got very behind on little things in order to catch back up with work, family, love life, etc. Then family vacation happened etc etc. Second, I will admit I just now got around to reading your short story you sent us all.

    There are very few stories I have read that actually caused me to cry a bit. All I can say is I’m glad I read it in the privacy of my own home instead of my office wherein my two co-workers would have wondered why I was a blubbering mess. I learned more about you in those few pages than I have learned about some people I have known for several years. You opened up in a way I have never seen written on page before in a non-fiction piece of writing. I know some of that stuff must have been so hard to share with the rest of us, but you’re a courageous woman who had the guts to put it out there for all the world to see. For that alone, I have garnered even more respect for you than I had from when I first met you.

    When I first met you the night of auditions, I will admit…you intimidated the HELL out of me (not in a bad way)! The only two people I knew that night were Andrew and Sarah (and Nicole on the audition she attended). Then I saw you, a woman who appeared confident in every sense of the word, a woman who carried herself with a sense of pride and happiness, a woman who knew what she was doing and here to kick some audition butt. As the night progressed, I kept thinking more and more “Wow, this Courtney person is amazing and I wish I had the chance to see her in a show prior to these auditions”. I also secretly hoped I would get to act with you, but at the time, I had no confidence in myself that I, a newbie to the WPH scene, would make it into an amazing production such as “Noises Off”.

    I am so happy to have gotten the opportunity to be in the show and share a stage with many great people, a few of which really stuck out to me in ways I will never forget. You, of course, were one of those people. Every night I looked forward to any shenanigans you would get into or any puns, jokes or jabs you and I would take at each other. As you simply put it one night, you and I had the “Playful but loving brother/sister relationship”. It was nice having that older sister figure in my life during that brief time. I have a 15-year-old sister whom I love to death and back, but frankly I just don’t get to see her very often. For the run of the show, I felt like I had an older sister who would be genuinely concerned about what was going on in my life and how things were going, but who would also make a snide remark followed by a loving smile. I think that is why I felt major concern for you when you became ill, got a bruised bum and then broke your toe. Me, some 24-year-old kid whom you barely even know…hence why you may have thought “wtf?” at times with me, I’m sure.

    I think you are an amazing individual and I am so happy to have met you. I have made several amazing friends through this show including you. I’ve even gained a new best friend through Kyle, which is amazing because it is damn near impossible to find a gay friend around here who doesn’t also bring a ton of drama into things. You are such an amazing individual and have gone through so much in your life, many of which I didn’t even know or suspect until I read your story. I think you have so much to offer to the world and I think maybe now you’re being given a chance to make those offerings. Your writing carries power with it, the likes of which aren’t seen very often these days. Your writing and work comes from the heart, where it matters most and where some of the best stories come from. Have you ever thought of trying your hand at playwriting?

    Anywho, enough of my rambling for the moment. As I warned you before, I am very good at long rambles with what I am sure are many grammatical errors haha. I’m a “stream of conciousness” type writer and as such, my long rambles come out that way. I hope all is well with you and would like to sit down with you sometime, grab a coffee or some food and just talk, catch up on things and say hi 🙂

  2. This is very touching. Only my second post to read but it moved me. We can’t truly live without being vulnerable. You’re openness is encouraging and inspiring, especially with such a sensitive subject as this.

    Peace & Love,
    Lila

    • Thank you so much Lila, you are so precious to take the time to spend with my words and to comment. I appreciate it, and I agree with you so very much. If we cannot expose ourselves, how can we move in the truth? Lending light to our hearts and experiences guides us, moves us, and also connects us to others! Thank you again and have a blessed day! Courtney

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